im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
