i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
