On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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