so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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