there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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