i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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