i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
