im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
