so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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