i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
