at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you have to choose: penises or morals?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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