I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
