dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize