dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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