my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
