i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
