Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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