a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
