this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I want her autograph on my taint
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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