oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Four minutes until I can fart!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
