the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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