i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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