I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
look no pants
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
