The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
