I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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