I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
