I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i've created a new STD.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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