Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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