he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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