dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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