i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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