her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
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St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
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Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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