I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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