He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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