glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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