I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
