I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
