Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
