I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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