I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I am one with the molecules
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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