He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
