and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
