if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
