Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
