when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the day after is always just damage control
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
