Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
