you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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