Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think my moral compass just broke
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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