Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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