the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
