i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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