Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
