so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
