I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?