It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.