You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
mondays should just be called national damage control day
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.