I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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