Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
