I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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