he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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