hotel room ftw
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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