Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
