That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
