I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
