There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
