...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
