I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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